Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Is Losing the True Cubs Business Model?

Are the Chicago Cubs Friends or Moonlighting?

Ross and Rachel hooked up on the former, and the show enjoyed a ratings bonanza. But when David and Maddie finally succumbed to the tension, Moonlighting was destroyed forever.

And today I'm facing a question, the question, I've avoided for thirty years: Will they or won't they?

Because the offseason moves that just won't die have added a new wrinkle that I can't iron out. As a die-hard Cub fan, I'm predisposed to hold on to hope, justifying every move the team makes until it's absolutely, undeniably proven to have failed. So when the Cubs sent Mark DeRosa packing and went chasing after Milton Bradley like lost baggage that cost $30 million to reclaim, this romance with the Cubs really started to feel like work. I had to try to feel good about DeRosa leaving and perhaps landing Peavy. I had to try to be optimistic about Milton Bradley. I mean, come ON, did anyone hear the news of either move and say, "Awesome!" "Yes!" or "Oh goody!"??!!??

No one in Cubdom said anything like that without having to sham-wow the sarcasm off themselves. And as I see the Cubs' failures boil over into the realm of sub-.500 psychosis, I have to wonder: Did the Cubs do this on purpose?

Let's re-examine this, okay? When the Cubs got swept for the second consecutive opening playoff round, most people agreed that the Cubs suffered a mental breakdown against the Dodgers. That the prescribed antidote for a mental breakdown was gaining Milton Bradley and losing Mark DeRosa is, in my book, the classical definition of self-destructive behavior. And now, seeing how those 2 moves may very well be the undoing of this powerhouse, I have to assume the Cubs, intentionally or subconsciously, wanted this to happen.

The Cubs front office is running this team like the producers of The Office, The X-Files, Who's the Boss, and every other will-they-or-won't-they show that ever milked the anticipation of consummation for ratings glory. Was it an accident that Pam declined Jim's advances? Was it out of anyone's control to finally get Mulder and Scully together? Were Tony and Angela cursed? No, no, NO! The people behind all of those shows knew that a resolution to the sexual tension could put an end to the only thing compelling the frenzied masses to watch in the first place.

Look at what happened to David & Maddie. The answer finally came back (They will, and they did) and no one ever really watched Moonlighting again. Isn't it possible that the ownership and front office of the Chicago Cubs are afraid that a World Series title would end the romance? Are they worried that after the WS Trophy finally answers the Cubs' booty call, they'll wake up with nothing but shame, regret, and loneliness? And if so, what can we do to stop this?

Listen, Cubs, I'm in this thing for life. I don't know about the other fans, but if you bring that trophy to the Wrigley Field altar, I vow to take that trophy to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, from this day forward until death parts us. I'm yours, Cubs. Don't sabotage this or any season because you're afraid it won't work out in the end. It will it can. But you need to want to make it work.

Some will say that the Cubs need a second baseman. Others still pine for a consistent left-handed power hitter. A new closer? A new manager? No, my fellow Cub fans, what we need is a relationship counselor. Come on, Jim Hendry . . . let's do it for the children. Let's do it . . . for love.

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