Thursday, September 3, 2009

You Can Schedule a Make-Up Game, But You Can't Make Them Play

In a display of passive-aggressive nonviolence, the Cubs staged a sit-in at Wrigley Field today.

Said Alfonso Soriano, "We were promised a day off on September 3, and a day off we shall have."

The Cubs adamantly refused to raise a glove in defense or a bat in anger. Seen pacing placidly in the dugout, Lou Piniella seemed to understand the protest, even if he didn't agree with the tenets of the players' beliefs.

"Look, I'm not the Dalai Lama.You gotta talk to the players about that. We've seen our fair share of good baseball this year, and we've had some bad baseball. That . . . I don't know what that was, but it wasn't baseball."

The White Sox seemed just as confused as anyone. At first, they didn't realize they were allowed to score while the Cubs weren't playing. But by the middle innings, a few White Sox leisurely circled the bases, some of them with their wives, children, and pets. Ozzie Guillen was, predictably, the only South Sider who wasn't left speechless.

"I don't know what they were doing, but I figure, why not win a game if they're gonna let you? It was like that scene outta Bad News Bears when the coach's kid hangs on to the ball and the fat catcher runs around the bases, you know? Hey, we tried to give up some runs just to make it look real, but I don't think Lou wanted to let that happen. He put Aaron Miles at the plate. I don't know how to let Aaron Miles score a run. We're not allowed to put a tee out there and he's too small to try to hit with a pitch. It's not my problem. Let the Ricketts family sort that out."

It is not yet known whether Aaron Miles was in on the civil disobedience or if he was simply doing his best to reach base. As for the rest of the team, they plan to return to their baseball playing duties tomorrow after the team travels to New York to play the Mets.
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