The Cubs won't go undefeated the rest of the season.
It is possible to put a Carlos Marmol pitch in play, after all.
Roy Oswalt and Wandy Rodriguez are not the two worst starting pitchers in baseball.
Ryan Theriot will never be mistaken for Rickey Henderson.
Jim Hendry will never be mistaken for Branch Rickey.
There is such a thing as too much beer.
Christie Brinkley has aged better than Chevy Chase.
Dead ivy isn't any more charming than separated shoulders and concussed outfielders.
Green ivy is more charming (but not all that more comforting) than dead ivy.
He's not on the team, but the spirit of Neifi Perez is waiting in the on-deck circle.
I don't care how good they are, the Cardinals suck.
Starlin Castro should keep a bag packed at all times.
Wrigley Field is not a church. You won't hear the organ playing at church.
No one cares about your fantasy team. Not even the people in your fantasy league.
"Obituary" is the nicest sounding word dedicated exclusively to the description of dead people.
The Cubs will not finish in last place.
Marlon Byrd is one smooth hombre.
It would be cool if the Cubs played the Yankees this year.
By 2015, advanced baseball metrics will be known as stats.
If the Cubs closed the Wrigley Field press box, there's a good chance the baseball IQ in Chicago would go up.
Ron Santo deserves to be in the Hall of Fame and to watch the Cubs win a World Series, and none of this "looking down from heaven" business. Let's get it done, people.