|By law, this scoreboard must go unaltered forever. That includes general cleaning.|
10. Trough-style bidets.
9. Guess the Ambassador's Age Contest. (Hint: the answer's 85.)
|Can we get a picture of Miles, just for old time's sake?|
7. Replace out-of-town scores with manually updated out-of-touch tweets from disgruntled White Sox fans.
6. Miss an inning in line for the restroom? No problem: piss-trough time machines.
5. Tickets that don't cost 5 billion dollars.
4. Every 7th-inning stretch, every guest conductor: auto-tune.
3. Twenty-five percent discount on concessions for everyone who agrees to shower before coming to the game. With much thanks.
2. Keep "Go Cubs Go," as the victory celebration song, but after losses everyone joins hands and sings "Kumbaya."
1. A new World Series banner. (Seriously, it doesn't even have to be real. Humor me.)
*individual pee-pee stations